Chia Mammoth!
December 3, 2008

10000-bc-poster

K: Why is this Wooly Mammoth 600 feet tall?

S: That’s my fault. Before it was really small, and I thought it was a dying Chia Pet and so I gave it MiracleGro. Oops.

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K Redeems His X-Files-bility
July 31, 2008

K: Okay, how’s this, Scully:

“Fact: after animal control was called, no one showed up. Why? Either they didn’t care–which, frankly, I find hard to believe; working in animal control isn’t the most lucrative business, and I can’t imagine why they would ignore potential customers–they were told not to come by someone with not just a little power and authority, or the call never reached animal control in the first place. Fact: onlookers claimed an old man, yet to be identified, made off with the caracass. This is called plausible deniability. I would have thought that after all we’ve been through, you’d be familiar with concept. I also would have thought that, after all we’ve been through, we would have boned by now.”

How’s that?

S: I think you should ask Chris Carter for a job.

S & K Talk about Monsters
July 31, 2008

K: Mmmmmmmmmmm, dead mummified monster.

S: kinda looks like he was spit-roasted, no?

K: Seriously, though, what the fuck is that?

S: It r Monstir!

K: It’s pretty crazy when viral marketing is taken to this extreme.

S: if it is a viral marketing scheme, it’s being done without the knowledge of anyone who is thusfar involved.

K: I’m intrigued as hell. Also, around it’s wrist–the last remains of it’s clothes/bracelet. Alien? I think so. That’s probably why it’s preserved so well–It’s been entombed in ice somewhere near the north pole or Nova Scotia where it landed thousands of years ago. Yeah. Global warming defrosted it, set it loose in the ocean.

S: It looks roasted, not iced. That’s not freezer burn.

K: no, it’s some kind of alien spaceship reactor burn, a result of the ship’s combustion chemicals leaking into the ice.

S: Now, Mulder, I think you’re overlooking some reasonable scientific explanations here…

K: Shut up, Dana. Stop dragging the party down.

S: SCULLY! He never calls her Dana!

K: I know. He never told her she was bringing down the party, either, at least not in so many words. I was breaking character.

S: You should stay away from acting as a career.

Details, Details
July 31, 2008

HONG KONG — More than 1,000 Chinese earthquake victims and a New York lawyer are demanding a $1 billion payout from Sharon Stone — or maybe just an apology, the New York Post reports.

Not that there’s much difference between $1 billion and an apology, NY Post. Keep up the excellent journalism.

–S

P.S. — HANGOVER. Ugh.

Why So Serious?
July 30, 2008

God, I’m busy at work again today! This is potentially something that may carry over through the next few weeks, especially as the attorney who I assist preps for a major trial. Woot.

So, in lieu of a steady stream of random posts with utter nonsense spewing from the fingertips of K and myself, I bring you what we probably would be doing at work today if we didn’t actually have work to do.

Ladies and gentlemen…

Funny cats:

And, for good measure, two hilarious hamsters:

You’re welcome.

–S