Well, Good Morning to You Too, K (Email From K, 8:33 a.m.)
December 17, 2008

ah_b-day_cake

K: Hey, read this.

S: Of course Wal-Mart would make that cake.

I started reading my Best American Essays 2008 last night and fell asleep a couple pages into an essay by a guy named Rick Cohen about how he grew a Hitler Moustache, otherwise known as a Toothbrush Moustache. He likens it, as a Jew, to Richard Pryor using the word “nigger.” And he also talked about how Hitler singlehandedly wiped out the name Adolf for, like, the rest of time.

I hope Rick Cohen saw this article this morning…

S: Also: “JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell”????

What the fuck is wrong with these people?

K: I think there are still Adolphs in Germany.

S: Yeah, but definitly not as many. Cohen named a bunch of prominent, good Adolphs in history, too. And then he was like, “Sucks these guys are tainted forever,” but in more eloquent, anthology-worthy language.

I wonder if this is on Fark.

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Enough Hate
November 16, 2008

I saw this originally posted by Rich over at FourFour. It is something everyone should see. It is something everyone should listen to. We should never even consider taking away the rights of anyone to love and marry whomever they want. At a time of great celebration and great change, a time of opportunity and hope, to have such a dark, ugly shadow cast across our progress is sickening.

Overturn Prop 8 today.

SHENANIGANS! I’m Calling Shenanigans On McCain!
September 24, 2008

McCain is bailing on the first debate, scheduled for Friday. He’s doing it, he claims, to “focus on the financial crisis.” Because McCain can (and will!) fix said worst-crisis-since-the-Depression by himself.

Except, he’s not the President, or even part of The Fed, he’s just a Senator. With no authority to do anything economic, because he’s not on the Joint Economics Committee. So what he’s going to do is go back to Washington, and bluster on about the economy and his war hero status.

But, as Gawker points out:

We’re thinking this will very quickly come off as a “political stunt,” and also make McCain look like a moron next time he trots out the “I lie about Obama because he wouldn’t debate me 100 times from now until the election” line.

So here I go: SHENANIGANS, MCCAIN! You’re just fucking scared to debate.

Edited To Add: This is the comment from Josh Marshall over on Talking Points Memo:

What’s changed today in the financial crisis other than John McCain’s poll numbers tanking? Isn’t this the campaign equivalent of faking an injury when you’re down late in the 4th quarter? Note too that McCain was in the midst of debate prep when he made this decision.

Look at what appears to have happened. Obama reached out to McCain privately to agree to a shared set of bailout principles. McCain went off the handle again and tried to use the crisis as a way to call off the debates.

WORD.

Edited Again to Add: Here’s an update from Gawker. Obama is, awesomely, maybe ignoring this ridiculous publicity stunt:

Ok, so this is sleazy, right? Barack Obama and John McCain were on the phone today trying to put together a genuinely non-partisan joint statement on the economy and the necessity of some sort of “package” to fix this mess we’re in. Obama called McCain to suggest this at 8:30 this morning. NBC: “McCain called back six hours later and agreed to the idea of the statement, the Obama campaign said. McCain’s statement was issued to the media a few minutes later.” That is seriously a dick move! Hey: “‘The debate is on,’ a senior Obama campaign official told ABC News.” So there’s that.

I feel like this awesomeness is just another reason to vote for the Obama-nator in Novemeber!!

–S

Nude Biking: DO NOT WANT
September 23, 2008

Over on Jezebel, they have an item about an Oregonian nude biker. That sounds horrifically painful, don’t you think?

Also, apparently it’s opposite day, as the news item mentions that construction workers asked her to tone it down. As in, those guys who whistle at anything with a vagine.

Crazy.

–S

Uneven Distribution of Wealth: Email from K, 10:50 a.m.
September 22, 2008

K: Did you hear about the president (or CEO or something like that) of Lehman Bros. keeping his job for two years and getting paid $25 million for those two years?

S: WHAT? NO! I want $25 millioong dollars!

K: Millioongs! Millioongs and millioongs of dollars!

S: No. Fairs-ies.

Email to K, 3:26 p.m.
August 5, 2008

S: Kay Underwood, a 20-year-old girl from England, becomes temporarily paralyzed every time she has a fit of giggles. She suffers from cataplexy, a muscle weakness triggered by extreme emotions, which results in her collapsing when she laughs, although she can still retain her hearing during all instances of paralysis. (Another person with a similar condition collapses when he experiences “extreme smugness.”)

K: I would like to see that.

No! NO NO NO! Morgan Freeman, NO!
August 4, 2008

Oh please please please say this isn’t so:

TMZ has learned that Academy Award winning actor Morgan Freeman has been injured in a serious car accident in Mississippi.

Cops tell us the “Dark Knight” star was in a one car accident around 11:30 PM last night north of the small town of Ruleville. He was airlifted from the accident scene to a hospital in Memphis, Tenn. We’re told alcohol is not suspected as a factor in the wreck, news of which was first reported by MediaTakeout.

Freeman’s condition is unknown, but state troopers tell us he was talking at the scene before he was taken to the hospital. The condition of an unidentified female passenger in the car is also unknown.

He has to be okay. HE HAS TO BE OKAY.

–S

Horrific Happenings
August 4, 2008

This happened in Maryland, and it’s pretty horrific. The hilarity of sending a mayor 32 pounds of weed is cancelled out completely by the massacre of his dogs, one of whom was shot after it went to hide under a table.

FUCKED. UP. MARYLAND. POLICE.

–S

S & K Talk about Monsters
July 31, 2008

K: Mmmmmmmmmmm, dead mummified monster.

S: kinda looks like he was spit-roasted, no?

K: Seriously, though, what the fuck is that?

S: It r Monstir!

K: It’s pretty crazy when viral marketing is taken to this extreme.

S: if it is a viral marketing scheme, it’s being done without the knowledge of anyone who is thusfar involved.

K: I’m intrigued as hell. Also, around it’s wrist–the last remains of it’s clothes/bracelet. Alien? I think so. That’s probably why it’s preserved so well–It’s been entombed in ice somewhere near the north pole or Nova Scotia where it landed thousands of years ago. Yeah. Global warming defrosted it, set it loose in the ocean.

S: It looks roasted, not iced. That’s not freezer burn.

K: no, it’s some kind of alien spaceship reactor burn, a result of the ship’s combustion chemicals leaking into the ice.

S: Now, Mulder, I think you’re overlooking some reasonable scientific explanations here…

K: Shut up, Dana. Stop dragging the party down.

S: SCULLY! He never calls her Dana!

K: I know. He never told her she was bringing down the party, either, at least not in so many words. I was breaking character.

S: You should stay away from acting as a career.

What a Waste
July 29, 2008

This is fucked up. Just fucking fucked up.

–S