REDRUM
February 26, 2009

Email to K, 1:45 p.m.:

S: Please don’t bust an artery over this one, it’s gonna piss you off.

K: redrum

Email to K, 3:10 p.m.
February 9, 2009

S: corndog-pizza

K: I can’t decide if that’s gross or glorious. My mind says gross, my belleh says, “O glory!”

Chia Mammoth!
December 3, 2008

10000-bc-poster

K: Why is this Wooly Mammoth 600 feet tall?

S: That’s my fault. Before it was really small, and I thought it was a dying Chia Pet and so I gave it MiracleGro. Oops.

Martyr Mystery Solved: Email to K, 3:46 p.m.
October 7, 2008

From: S
To: K

Muslim martyrs will not go to heaven and marry 72 black eyed virgins. This idea stems from a mistranslation: the Quran says martyrs going to heaven will get “hur,” and the word was taken by early commentators to mean “virgins.” But in Aramaic, hur meant “white” and was commonly used to mean “white grapes,” which the Quran compares to crystal and pearls, and contemporary accounts have paradise abounding with fruit, especially white grapes.

Dude. There are some suicide bombers up in heaven who are pissed.

My Eyes! (Email to K, 11:19 a.m.)
October 7, 2008

S: I apologize to your eyes in advance:

But if mine had to suffer, yours did too.

K: Now we know why Kurt killed himself.

I Can’t Believe I Had to Ask This
October 6, 2008

K: “a 2004 study estimated about a quarter of Americans had at least one tattoo, and among folks born between 1975 and 1986 the figure was 36 percent.”

S: Hm. Here’s a question: Do I have 2 tattoos, or 3? Does the ear-punctuation count as one, or are they two? I never know the answer to this.

K: 3

S: Reasoning? I’m not arguing, I just want to understand.

K: While the two ear tattoos go together, you’re inked in three places so I figure three tattoos.

S: Ah. Ok.

They’re my tattoos, right? And yet, I still don’t know…

–S

Sarah Palin Dominates Our Emails, 10:58 a.m.
October 3, 2008

S: Sarah Palin has an ugly wink face.

K: She looks like she squeezing out a fart.

Email to K, 9:36 a.m.
August 6, 2008

Best headline so far this morning, from Gawker: Activists Demand More Married Boning On TV