REDRUM
February 26, 2009

Email to K, 1:45 p.m.:

S: Please don’t bust an artery over this one, it’s gonna piss you off.

K: redrum

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Chia Mammoth!
December 3, 2008

10000-bc-poster

K: Why is this Wooly Mammoth 600 feet tall?

S: That’s my fault. Before it was really small, and I thought it was a dying Chia Pet and so I gave it MiracleGro. Oops.

We Cannot Make This Shit Up: Email From K, 12:34 p.m.
October 7, 2008

K: A finnish bread product:

(Can you see now why I’m so despondent when he’s not around?)

–S

I Can’t Believe I Had to Ask This
October 6, 2008

K: “a 2004 study estimated about a quarter of Americans had at least one tattoo, and among folks born between 1975 and 1986 the figure was 36 percent.”

S: Hm. Here’s a question: Do I have 2 tattoos, or 3? Does the ear-punctuation count as one, or are they two? I never know the answer to this.

K: 3

S: Reasoning? I’m not arguing, I just want to understand.

K: While the two ear tattoos go together, you’re inked in three places so I figure three tattoos.

S: Ah. Ok.

They’re my tattoos, right? And yet, I still don’t know…

–S

Sarah Palin Dominates Our Emails, 10:58 a.m.
October 3, 2008

S: Sarah Palin has an ugly wink face.

K: She looks like she squeezing out a fart.

Real Estate Moguls R Us: Email From K, 8:48 a.m.
October 2, 2008

K: Let’s buy a house or two on ebay. One was just sold for $1.75.

Leaf Piles Beware: Email From K, 11:02 a.m.
September 22, 2008

K: IT’S FALL!

S: WOOOO!

K: excellent.

Email From K, 3:28 p.m.
September 4, 2008

K: Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist is about the gayest title for a movie ever.

–S

Email from K, 10:22 a.m.
August 22, 2008

K: When I climbed Old Rag last week, I experienced this stinging, uncomforable sensation around my groin for the last leg of the hike, like my underwear were pinching. When I got back home I discovered I’d been bitten by an ant on the testicle.

(For the record, this is potentially the best email K has ever sent me.)

–S

Email from K, 3:53 p.m.
July 28, 2008

I think we’re missing something here, an opportunity to help a lot of sick people. You know how there are psychological conditions that cause people to see things in the mirror that just aren’t there. Anorexics can sometimes literally see a fat person, etc etc. Hell, I’ve even heard of a condition (I don’t recall the name right now) where people see animals in their reflection, wolves and horses, and believe they are, on some deeper level, these creatures.

I think when, say, this guy:

looks in the mirror, he sees this:

–S