Archive for the ‘weird’ Category

Insight Into the Paparazzi Minds (Email to K, 9:20 a.m.)
September 11, 2008

S:

After exiting Hollywood’s most notorious celebrity motel, the Chateau Marmont, the rising star of 90210 2.0 Shenae Grimes was asked by a group of photographers if she could tone down her smiling just a bit. Grimes felt perplexed by the request and asked why wouldn’t they want a photo of her smiling. One photographer said, “We do, but we just want a wide variety of facial reactions. Mad, gassy, sad and so on and so on.” Grimes tried her best to look slightly indifferent, but could only achieve a look of mild exasperation.

For reference (‘cuz I don’t know who this chick is either):

K: gassy?

S: I know, fucking fantastic.

Is Vertigo a Side-Effect of Celebrity?
September 9, 2008

Sienna Miller’s really pretty, isn’t she?

But can someone explain to me why, exactly, she must hold on to her friend for dear life as she steps over that concrete… whatever it is?

It’s not just Sienna, of course. Lots and lots of celebs — especially girl celebs — are photographed out all the time, clinging to a handler or friend or signficant other for dear life as they do normal activities like walking down the street. And I know that, on the one hand, we are not, in these pictures, seeing the huge crowd of photoraphers making life way hard for them at that particular moment. But I also am not seeing the Earth tilt suddenly on its axis, or the ground start moving beneath their feet, or any other thing that would warrant such a death-grip on the person closest to them.

So what the hell is going on? Does being female and famous suddenly make it incredibly difficult to walk? Do you get vertigo with your first $10 million-plus paycheck? Is it, like, instant karma or something? “You are famous! Famous beyond words! And you will never have proper balance again!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA.”

Seriously. I want to know.

*The exception being, obviously, if you are wasted. In which case, hang on for dear life!

–S

What’s Better Than Barack Obama? SPARKLY Obama!
September 2, 2008

From Jezebel:

Sometimes we wonder whether Karl Rove is behind this seemingly systematic campaign to get everyone in Fashionland behind Obama. “Designer Patricia Field has created an Obama t-shirt that reads “Elegance. Dignity. Obama. Statesman.” Naturally, this is written in glitter.

–S

Email from K, 10:22 a.m.
August 22, 2008

K: When I climbed Old Rag last week, I experienced this stinging, uncomforable sensation around my groin for the last leg of the hike, like my underwear were pinching. When I got back home I discovered I’d been bitten by an ant on the testicle.

(For the record, this is potentially the best email K has ever sent me.)

–S

This Guy is Clearly A Retard (Email from K, 8:55 a.m.)
August 22, 2008

K: Look at this.

S:

“You gotta understand,” said Worley. “I lived through the Beatles era and saw them perform live many times, so I think I’ve earned the right to speak on the subject.”

Um. No. You clearly have not.

“Keep in mind the Beatles were together 10 years but much of their success hinged on the mystique surrounding them.”

Um. No. Actually, the Beatles’ seeming accessibility to — despite their actual distance from — their fans is a great reason why they out-populared other bands of the time.

“If you have ever been to a JoBros show you would know what I mean,” he said. “They electrify the crowd with their performance in an almost supernatural fashion. Now John Lennon and McCartney were good, but they just lacked that connection with their audience.”

Um. No. You have clearly never ACTUALLY been to a Beatles concert, Weird Guy. I’d be happy to lend you my copy of the Anthology to help you along.

“People argue with me all the time,” said Worley. “They say a 68 year old man shouldn’t even be going to a Jonas Brother show. I fire right back at them that I will go where I want and that’s to see the greatest band ever assembled, the Jonas Brothers. If they persist in giving me a hard time I kindly tell them to keep their opinions to themselves.”

I think that hits on exactly where he’s so very, very wrong (aside from all the other ways he’s so very, very wrong): The Beatles were not an “assembled” band. They were a band-band. They made themselves. All by themselves.

Also, I would like to reiterate his own sentiment back at him: Please, for the love of god, Weird Guy, KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF.

K: pedophile.

S: Ha!

–S

Hi There, Moonie!
August 14, 2008

This is a rare moment of down-time for me. The overtime hours are piling up for K and I both. But in this moment, I present to you: A weird debate fight with a mooning professor. Enjoy!

–S

Um, Wow.
August 8, 2008

S:

K: That is like my dream come true.

Email to K, 10:22 a.m.
August 6, 2008

SOURCE

–S

Email to K, 3:26 p.m.
August 5, 2008

S: Kay Underwood, a 20-year-old girl from England, becomes temporarily paralyzed every time she has a fit of giggles. She suffers from cataplexy, a muscle weakness triggered by extreme emotions, which results in her collapsing when she laughs, although she can still retain her hearing during all instances of paralysis. (Another person with a similar condition collapses when he experiences “extreme smugness.”)

K: I would like to see that.

Email to K, 1:03 p.m.
August 4, 2008

Signs of the apocolypse: “Justin Timberlake Might Host The Oscars”