Archive for the ‘twits’ Category

Well, Good Morning to You Too, K (Email From K, 8:33 a.m.)
December 17, 2008

ah_b-day_cake

K: Hey, read this.

S: Of course Wal-Mart would make that cake.

I started reading my Best American Essays 2008 last night and fell asleep a couple pages into an essay by a guy named Rick Cohen about how he grew a Hitler Moustache, otherwise known as a Toothbrush Moustache. He likens it, as a Jew, to Richard Pryor using the word “nigger.” And he also talked about how Hitler singlehandedly wiped out the name Adolf for, like, the rest of time.

I hope Rick Cohen saw this article this morning…

S: Also: “JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell”????

What the fuck is wrong with these people?

K: I think there are still Adolphs in Germany.

S: Yeah, but definitly not as many. Cohen named a bunch of prominent, good Adolphs in history, too. And then he was like, “Sucks these guys are tainted forever,” but in more eloquent, anthology-worthy language.

I wonder if this is on Fark.

Oh, Chuck Norris, Don’t Talk
November 19, 2008

I saw this this morning, a quote from Chuck Norris on the passage of Prop 8:

“The truth is that the great majority of Prop. 8 advocates are not bigots or hatemongers. They are American citizens who are following 5,000 years of human history and the belief of every major people and religion: Marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman. Their pro-Prop. 8 votes weren’t intended to deprive any group of its rights; they were safeguarding their honest convictions regarding the boundaries of marriage.

On Nov. 4, the pro-gay community obviously was flabbergasted that a state that generally leans left actually voted right when it came to holy matrimony. But that’s exactly what happened; the majority of Californians — red, yellow, black and white — voted to define the margins of marriage as being between one man and one woman. California is the 30th state in our union to amend its constitution in doing so, joining Florida and Arizona in this election. Like it or not, it’s the law now. The people have spoken.”

I’m struck by the unbelievable hypocrisy of this. Not the unbelievably hypocrisy of the mere position of demanding that marriage be ONLY between a man and a woman, but the staggering hypocrisy of those final two sentences: “Like it or not, it’s the law now. The people have spoken.”

Sure, Chuck. I’m sure you feel that way about all laws, right? Like, say, my right to choose?

If the right wing and hatemongers really want us to believe that they support the law because it is law, then they have to stop spouting this nonsense about taking away our right to choose. If they want to topple that law, then they have to articulate that one can and one should actively oppose the laws they don’t support, and shut up about our protest of Prop 8, which will hopefully be put up to ANOTHER vote, or simply declared unconstitutional, since it is so incredibly discriminatory. Either way, they can’t have it both ways, and I am so, so very tired of listening to them try to.

Can we please, please, put the right wing on mute for a couple months? Please?

This Guy is Clearly A Retard (Email from K, 8:55 a.m.)
August 22, 2008

K: Look at this.

S:

“You gotta understand,” said Worley. “I lived through the Beatles era and saw them perform live many times, so I think I’ve earned the right to speak on the subject.”

Um. No. You clearly have not.

“Keep in mind the Beatles were together 10 years but much of their success hinged on the mystique surrounding them.”

Um. No. Actually, the Beatles’ seeming accessibility to — despite their actual distance from — their fans is a great reason why they out-populared other bands of the time.

“If you have ever been to a JoBros show you would know what I mean,” he said. “They electrify the crowd with their performance in an almost supernatural fashion. Now John Lennon and McCartney were good, but they just lacked that connection with their audience.”

Um. No. You have clearly never ACTUALLY been to a Beatles concert, Weird Guy. I’d be happy to lend you my copy of the Anthology to help you along.

“People argue with me all the time,” said Worley. “They say a 68 year old man shouldn’t even be going to a Jonas Brother show. I fire right back at them that I will go where I want and that’s to see the greatest band ever assembled, the Jonas Brothers. If they persist in giving me a hard time I kindly tell them to keep their opinions to themselves.”

I think that hits on exactly where he’s so very, very wrong (aside from all the other ways he’s so very, very wrong): The Beatles were not an “assembled” band. They were a band-band. They made themselves. All by themselves.

Also, I would like to reiterate his own sentiment back at him: Please, for the love of god, Weird Guy, KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF.

K: pedophile.

S: Ha!

–S

Interview with a Vapid Twit
July 29, 2008

This is the conversation I just had with K:

S: “Look at this. This is ridiculous.”

K: “Who is that?”

S: “It’s one of the girls from the Hills, Audrina.”

K: “I’m not familiar with her.”

S: “The fact that I am familiar with her pushes me closer to suicide.”

Click the link about to read an interview with the most dead-eyed of the Dead-Eyed Crew of The Hills.

And, really, “interview” is a loose term here.

–S