Archive for the ‘movies’ Category

REDRUM
February 26, 2009

Email to K, 1:45 p.m.:

S: Please don’t bust an artery over this one, it’s gonna piss you off.

K: redrum

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K and S Finally Saw “The Happening”
October 28, 2008

S: I decided this morning that you should go as a Math Teacher for Halloween (perhaps even the John Leguezamo math teacher), and all you have to do is wear one of your checked shirts with tan pants, tucked in, and everytime someone talks to you, spout off a bunch of probabilities and percentages for no particular reason, and see how long it takes for them to guess you’re a math teacher.

K: The probability of my being a math teacher for Halloween is equal to the negative sum of its inherent lameness plus the value of its in-joke awesomeness minus the square root of the price of a sweater vest.

S: ……Ow.

(Oh, shit. I think your email just told me to kill myself!)

K: STAY AWAY FROM THE WINDOW!

Email from K, 9:03 a.m.
September 4, 2008

K: Oh sweet holy Jesus, Helena Bonham Carter might be topless in her next movie! Blessed be!

–S

Movie Villains in the A.M.
August 6, 2008

K: Hey, look at this.

S: Ok:

1. Agent Smith rules. Seriously. Favorite part of all Matrix Movies = Agent Smith (Hello, Mr. Anderson…)

2. HAHA FRANK BOOTH. Dennis Hopper was on a rerun of Colbert, I think, yesterday, which I was listening to as I cooked dinner, and he was asying his son has no idea what a wild man he was in his early years and always tells him that he should let people get to know “the real Dennis Hopper” and Dennis was like, “Um, yeah, see…”

3. They put T-1000 in one of those lame-ass commercials where they have movie characters talk about high speed internet or some shit and that’s blasphemy.

4. Oh my god, Misery totally scarred me when I first saw it.

5. As did Snow White, actually. But I bounced back.

6. I STILL don’t get all this tongue bathing for No County For Old Men. Javier Bardem was creepy, sure, but I thought he could have been way more… better. Shut up.

7. I’d have ranked The Joker higher, but they didn’t ask me.

8. I don’t know if I’d have put Lord Voldemort at #1, but again they didn’t ask me.

And mad props to putting the wicked witch on there.

K: Why is Alex from Clockwork Orange not even on the list?

S: I don’t know? Maybe because he’s not necessarily 100% a villain? Because by the end of the movie you (or, rather, I) have some sympathy for him?

Or because they’re stupid?

I caught half an episode of Law & Order the other night starring Malcom McDowell as the bad guy. Recorded it. Can’t wait to watch the whole thing.

God, we must seem so interesting to all 11 of you.

–S

Email from K, 8:54 a.m.
August 1, 2008

God, I wish I was in on this joke.

–S

Good Morning, Oliver Stone
July 28, 2008

The first email I get this morning from K has this in it:

That’s “W.” the new Oliver Stone movie, another effort by a guy who was once a pretty awesome director to destroy his own reputation. Oh, I don’t know, I’m cranky because it hurts to focus my eyes this morning. Not enough sleep, probably, or too much, or Monday, it’s all too hard to sort.

Perhaps it’s because this movie is coming so soon on the heels of this disaster of a presidency that I have such a bad taste in my mouth about it. Stone’s allowing no time for reflection, for the absolute travesty that the past eight years have been to sink into the national psyche before sending yet another image of Bush-As-Party-Boy into the world. Because the real injustice of this administration is not that some partying rich playboy made it into office — that’s happened numerous times in our history, and will happen over and over again. No, the injustice is that once he was in he wasn’t held accountable for anything he did, and all he did was screw over his own nation again and again. An egotistical little monkey playing games with himself and throwing his feces in our faces.

This man doesn’t deserve some ridiculous biopic. He deserves a criminal trial.

Less than six months now. Hopefully he’ll get one.

–S