Archive for the ‘gossip’ Category

5 Quick Thoughts from the VMAs
September 8, 2008

1. MTV totally screwed Britney out of VMA awards while she was making videos that were, if not original and compelling, totally giving every peri- and post-adolescent male a 24-hour hard-on, and then double-screwed her last night by giving her 3 pity awards for a drugged-out video that was 1/8th as fun to watch as any other video she’s ever put out (including that weird one with Stephen Dorff and the semi-suicide).

2. Russell Brand got totally cheated out of mainstream American success (at least for the moment) by doing an award show for a crowd that used to applaud for Marilyn Manson’s cross-dressing performances and now can’t take a purity ring joke.

3. Based on the nominees, winners, and people in attendence, MTV now caters exclusively to prudes.

4. I can’t believe this is the same awards show that I used to watch religiously in the 1990s, that used to do its thing at Radio City Music Hall every year (and one time at Lincoln Center, and with legitimacy at Lincoln Center, at that), that had controversial performances and really hilarious hosts (Chris Rock, I miss you!), that gave people like Nirvana awards, that had cadres of real music celebrities in attendence, that actually set lasting music and performance trends. How far the mighty have fallen.

5. Oh my god, I’m old. (And, seriously? I’m 23. On the verge of 24. MTV should not be making me feel old yet.)

–S

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Jordin Sparks Called Me A Slut. I Didn’t Like It.
September 8, 2008

So last night on the MTV Video Music Awards (which are, like, barely an award show, and that will get a whole other post, and it makes me feel really, really old because I remember when the VMA’s were both good and relatively important), some British comedian who no one ever heard of, but who was actually kinda funny if you have a couple brain cells to rub together (something the MTV crowd lacks, a lot), named Russell Brand implored the US to vote for Barack Obama (yay!) and said he didn’t take those idiotic purity rings that people like Miley Cyrus (who, btw — totes not a virgin, you can tell) and the Jonas Brothers wear serious because they don’t wear them around their cocks. Which, point to Brand.

But apparently that pissed off those purity ring-wearing pansies (quelle surprise!), and later in the show (which I had on mute while I did other things, so I didn’t know it until this morning — look, they said Britney was opening the show and last year when that happened with was a Fail of totally Epic proportions, so I watched ok?) Jordin Sparks (AKA that girl from American Idol) came on stage and said this:

“I just have one thing to say about promise rings. It’s not bad to wear a promise ring because not everybody – guy or girl – wants to be a slut.”

And I have one thing to say about girls saying that girls who DON’T wear promise rings are sluts: FUCK YOU. I’ve never heard such a rude, girl-hating statement. I am not a slut. Do I have sex? Yes, I most certainly do. I love sex. But having sex is not the same as being a slut, and sleeping with boyfriends and the men I love is different than getting drunk and fucking the first thing I can find with a hard-on.

So go fuck yourself, Jordin. Eventually you too will have sex and you’ll realize that 1. Having sex before marriage does not make you a slut, and 2. You’ve been missing out for A LOT of years.

–S

Email to K, 1:03 p.m.
August 4, 2008

Signs of the apocolypse: “Justin Timberlake Might Host The Oscars”

Details, Details
July 31, 2008

HONG KONG — More than 1,000 Chinese earthquake victims and a New York lawyer are demanding a $1 billion payout from Sharon Stone — or maybe just an apology, the New York Post reports.

Not that there’s much difference between $1 billion and an apology, NY Post. Keep up the excellent journalism.

–S

P.S. — HANGOVER. Ugh.

Shannen Doherty, Meet Serendipity
July 28, 2008

From TMZ:

We know Shannen went to the Sheriff’s Department in Lost Hills (Malibu) to complain about paparazzi following her. The cops who talked to her were baffled … because they had no idea who she was.

The deputy at the front desk confessed he had no idea who she was. Shannen retorted that she was on TV. The deputy, in a scene reminiscent of “Take the Money and Run,” began asking other around him if they knew who she was, but none did.

We’re told Shannen then left in a huff.

HAHAHAHA!

–S

Bathing Britney
July 28, 2008

This is a super-weird angle for Britney’s legs, making them about 100 times stumpier and wider than they probably actually are, but that bathing suit is adorable.

–S

Fake Girls Make Fake Drama, TMZ Reports
July 28, 2008

Heidi Montag is a dumb bitch who needs to create staged photo-ops for publicity every chance she gets so that people are to busy being blinded by her horse-face and fake tits to remember that there is absolutely no reason to give half a shit about her, her life, her “career” or her douchebaggy flesh-colored-beard-wearing boyfriend. That said, I totally watch The Hills unabashadly. And that link takes you to a dumb publicity stunt on TMZ.

–S

Fo’ Shizzle Mah Hin-dizzle
July 28, 2008

Gawker, you light up my life. They’re reporting that Snoop Dogg has been named America’s muscial ambassador to India:

When a business has completely saturated one market, it can either die out or expand into another market. I think it’s safe to say that rap-as-pop-music has reached its tipping point in terms of US commercial appeal. Luckily there’s a billion people in India who have yet to embrace pimpology! Rappers in America have been stealing Indian music for beats for quite a while now, but the relationship hasn’t been reciprocal. Snoop Dogg is on the kizzle, though, coming to Mumbizzle with a suitcase full of mizzle (marketing strategies).

Snoop, they report, is also concerned with India’s taste for older music, specificially Eric Clapton and Michael Jackson’s Thriller. Life is hard on the subcontinent, y’know? People are poor, there’s a lot of celebrations and Gods to please, and there’s a lot of glean left over from the Maharishi, y’know? But never fear, all you funky Hindus and Muslims out there! Snoop is comin’ to your hometown to teach you how to get your pimp on.

Werd up.

–S