Archive for the ‘deep thoughts’ Category

Haiku, Youku, We All Ku For– Right, Sorry.
December 22, 2008

Email to K, 10:16 a.m. (from S, obvs)

I sold my desk. On craigslist. Yesterday.

So my apartment is completely pristine except that everything that was in/on my desk is in a neat pile on the floor. And my room has one big blank wall that I think I should project movies or maybe Soul Calibur onto.

And now I need a new desk.

Haiku(s) for my desk:

Oh, Ikea desk
You were small and ugly
And not how I like

Sold to a Polan
Who looked just like Ben Kingsly
My stuff in a pile

Then, at 11:10 a.m.

K: Go to failblog and watch “All Aboard the Fail Train.” The Japanese are ridiculous.

S: I fucking love Japan.

Haiku to Japan:

Oh Japan, my love
Your subways would kill me dead
Hello Kitty, too.

(today is, apparently, a Haiku kind of day)

Oh, Chuck Norris, Don’t Talk
November 19, 2008

I saw this this morning, a quote from Chuck Norris on the passage of Prop 8:

“The truth is that the great majority of Prop. 8 advocates are not bigots or hatemongers. They are American citizens who are following 5,000 years of human history and the belief of every major people and religion: Marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman. Their pro-Prop. 8 votes weren’t intended to deprive any group of its rights; they were safeguarding their honest convictions regarding the boundaries of marriage.

On Nov. 4, the pro-gay community obviously was flabbergasted that a state that generally leans left actually voted right when it came to holy matrimony. But that’s exactly what happened; the majority of Californians — red, yellow, black and white — voted to define the margins of marriage as being between one man and one woman. California is the 30th state in our union to amend its constitution in doing so, joining Florida and Arizona in this election. Like it or not, it’s the law now. The people have spoken.”

I’m struck by the unbelievable hypocrisy of this. Not the unbelievably hypocrisy of the mere position of demanding that marriage be ONLY between a man and a woman, but the staggering hypocrisy of those final two sentences: “Like it or not, it’s the law now. The people have spoken.”

Sure, Chuck. I’m sure you feel that way about all laws, right? Like, say, my right to choose?

If the right wing and hatemongers really want us to believe that they support the law because it is law, then they have to stop spouting this nonsense about taking away our right to choose. If they want to topple that law, then they have to articulate that one can and one should actively oppose the laws they don’t support, and shut up about our protest of Prop 8, which will hopefully be put up to ANOTHER vote, or simply declared unconstitutional, since it is so incredibly discriminatory. Either way, they can’t have it both ways, and I am so, so very tired of listening to them try to.

Can we please, please, put the right wing on mute for a couple months? Please?

A Letter To The Rest of The World
November 6, 2008

Obama 2008

Dear World,

Hold on. Let’s take a moment to look at that picture. Oh man, is that a pretty picture.

World, I totally understand how you’re feeling right now. That is a damn pretty picture, and these are extraordinary days. You’ve all be holding your breath almost as long as we have, watching this election with an intensity that we have certainly never, ever devoted to any of your elections. This is major, for you as our allies and our enemies, as the countries we continue to have some sort of magical hold over since we are America and you are, simply, the World.

That sounds really cocky , but it’s true. Why else would you care so much? Despite the fact that it is no longer the 20th century, and we are no longer fighting the Cold War (althoug Cold War II looks like it might be coming up around the corner… but hey, that’s what we’ve got Obama for right? Ahhhh, President Obama!), we are still apparently the world’s greatest Super Power and the mistakes of the last 8 years (the mistakes? the unmitigated disaster!) have affected you, our friends and neighbors to the North, South, East and West, almost as much as they’ve affected us here at home.

Some of you have been truly wonderful to us, as we’ve travelled abroad during the Bush presidency. You’ve seen us as individuals, humans, Americans who are not defined by the great fuck up in our government. You see that we did not all support that misguided dictator, that we were fighting as hard as we could to take our country back. You soothed us with words and with reassurances that you do not hate us all universaly. You reaffirmed the notion that Americans, no matter what their government does, can and will be liked internationally. And that came as a great relief to us who watched with so much dismay as our country seemed to crumble around us.

You were our cheerleaders during this election, putting (sometimes ridiculous) pressure on us to elect the right man. And we did it. And we are thankful, truly thankful, that you had our back for the last eight years and this election. But. But.

You did not vote in this election, we did. You did not transform with this election, we did. And you need to back off just a little bit and let us celebrate this great victory and great change amongst ourselves.

I have become exceedingly weary, in the last eight years but the last two in particular, of hearing people (and, for some reason, this is particularly prevalent among Canadians) tell me why I should do what I already know I should do: vote for Obama. I am tired of hearing the mantras about everything we’ve done wrong (qualified, always, with “Well, I know you’re not doing it, personally, but Bush…”), and all the ways in which we’ve fucked up. There is an element of glee in the voices of those who so cynically assessed my country, a great country, a country without which the world as we know it today would look very, very different. Intellectually, I can understand this: to see a country rise so quickly to such unprecedented power, to experience them wandering the world and claiming things and triumphs as their own without much regard as to the efforts of the countries they were supporting; I would get annoyed by that, too. It’s hard not to gloat a little bit when they make a huge misstep; when they stumbled badly, and almost fall. There is an element of personal vindication when you see the Super Power is not perfect, or even infallable.

But it was unneccessary. You forget that we all had to live through someone STEALING an election, from under our noses, before our eyes. You forget that we had to live through the PAIN of 9/11, a pain from which many of us are still recovering, a pain that came immediately after the devestation of watching one party steal the government for themselves, perverting the great ideals of democracy in one fell swoop. And then we were left, helpless, unable to get the maniac out of office, unable to take back the legistlative branch, unable to bring back the BALANCE that is so central to a working democracy. The country, the citizens, AMERICANS, felt like they were drowning in their own homeland. It has been a very, very difficult eight years.

We knew all that. We were acutely aware of it. Your assessment of our failure wasn’t needed, although we listened because we’ve done much the same thing to other countries. We took it in. We were polite about it. But beneath the surface there was one angry, challenging question: “Oh yeah? Well, what have you done for the world lately, eh?”

As a country we have taken, in the last century, a remarkable amount of responsibility for other countries onto our shoulders. We have intervened, as best we could, to protect our allies from the oppression and danger of the Soviet Union, to give aid to countries in need, to provide protection and help to people in danger. Have we done so perfectly? No. Have we ousted good leaders and replaced them with terrible dictators? Yes. Have we funded militia movements and later abandoned them, setting ourselves up for attacks and anti-American movements? Yes. Have we misplaced our trust in leaders who were bad, and been stuck supporting them for years? Yes. Have we turned against our own allies (or tentative allies) without good reason? Yes. But, have we at least tried to be an active and aggressive force for good in the world? YES. We have put ourselves out there, which is a helluva lot more than a lot of you guys can say.

We are happy, now, at the dawn of a new American era. We are happy you are happy, World, because we want to be friends with you, we want to get along, we want to live harmoniously and go back to being that force for good that we once were and always knew we could be again. We want to be on your side. But this is an eletion we won for ourselves. We weren’t thinking about you when we voted for Obama. Sure, we need to improve our standing in the world, but that was not our first priority. The real tragedy of the Bush Administration was how thoroughly it broke our American Spirit, our American Dream. How deeply divided and pained the country has been from the inside out; how much faith we have lost in ourselves. On Tuesday, as we waited in long lines to cast a single, hugely important, vote, we renewed our vows with our country: We took back our land, our people, and our spirit from those who would have broken it to gain their own power and wealth, and we pledged to each other, as Americans, that we would be brothers and sisters, citizens united with the common goal of making America back into the promised land it was for so long.

Thank you, thank you, World, for your kind words. But this is a victory we will celebrate by ourselves, with ourselves. So please stop telling us you are “proud” of our choice, like we are children who needed your guidance to pick the apple over the poison. We made up our own minds, like big girls and boys, and we are sure as hell proud to be Americans again.

October 8, 2008

That is all.


John McCain and Sarah Palin are Dangerous and Will Destroy America
October 3, 2008

I know that headline sounds extreme, but it’s true. No, really, it’s true.

If you watched the debate last night, you were probably impressed with the disgusting Mrs. Palin. No huge gaffes, no stunning mistakes. But if you actually listened, you would realize that there was also no plan, no policy, and most importantly NO UNDERSTANDING of the gravity of the situation she’s facing.

The “Aw, shucks” and “Doggone it”s and “Well, ya know, Joe”s were the scariest thing I’ve heard in weeks. Our economy is collapsed, but gosh if we just let that market run free we’ll be all good! And we’ll cut taxes! Cut taxes for rich people, and let the poor people take up the slack! Well, dontcha know you can’t rebuild the country unless you’re payin’ taxes! And rich people have too much money to do that, yessiree.

She also doesn’t know if Global Warming is man-made or not. Honey, the only people who don’t know if global warming is man-made or not are illeterate, in Third World Countries and, generally, more concerned with surviving famine and war than with changing the world. Those of us who have the priviledge to live in a prosperous and powerful country like America — where the poorest of the poor here look like wealthy demi-gods in sub-Saharan Africa — DO know that the world’s climate is changing, and we ALL seem to know that it’s man-made, or at the very least that it has something to do with OUR CARS. Hence the DRILLING you keep talking about. (Which your own freakin’ candidate opposes!) But how can I expect Sarah Palin to understand the dire and nuanced causes and consequences of global warming when she still hasn’t mastered the idea of evolution?

Also, if she says anything else about my reward being “in heaven,” I’m going to set her on fire.

Clearly, Sarah Palin makes me burn with a hatred as potent and intense as a thousand firey suns. I hate her because she is the last eight years personified. Last night she exposed herself as Bush II in a way we had never expected — colloquial, down-home, aw-shucks, winking, semi-oblivious. She has no idea about policy and is proud of it. She thinks her TOTAL LACK OF EXPERIENCE works to her advantage. She thinks the entire country is Alaska.


Do you know what we have down here? Black people, Latin people, Asian people, gay people, transgendered people, liberal people, conservative people, rich people, poor people, middle class people, girl people, boy people, Jewish people. As far as I can tell, you know about maybe three or four of those types. You feel contempt towards the coasts (that’s about 1/3 to 1/2 of America right there you just offended the fuck out of, lady), and you claim to be of “America’s heartland,” despite having absolutely no experience supporting farming or the American manufacturing industry. You would drill for oil wherever you can, with complete disregard for the people who live on and/or own that land. You would destroy American industry in the quest for American dominance in foreign policy — two things you know NOTHING about, as we saw last night. No, you’re only talent is in looking like Tina Fey and acting homey, and spouting catchphrases.

We are beyond a catchphrase president. We’ve had one for eight years, and we’re teetering on the edge of ruin.

Sarah Plain and John McCain will destroy American. Joe Biden and Barack Obama will at least try to fix this; if you listen to what they’re saying, they actually have a PLAN. They have a PLAN that has been proven to work in the past, they have a PLAN that will enfranchise as many people as possible, they have a PLAN that will put us, if not in first place immediately, on a steady path to reclaim our place at the top.

Barack Obama and Joe Biden have looked at American and seen our flaws, our problems, our struggles, our shortcomings. They have looked hard and looked long, and they have figured out ways to FIX THINGS, fix the little things that matter to us when living our lives. Fixing education, fixing (or improving) health care, creating a tax system that works FOR the middle class and not against it. Barack Obama and Joe Biden want to fight FOR US. McCain and Palin want to be RIGHT. And when all you care about is being right, you leave a trail of death and destruction behind you.

NO MORE. Barack Obama and Joe Biden, 2008. The Change we need, now more than ever.


PSA From S: An Addendum
September 2, 2008

Just saw THIS on Gawker, and couldn’t hold my tongue. Not today. Today is a talkin’ (er, typin’?) day.

Gawker tells us:

“Having been the editor-in-chief of teen magazine YM for five years, and now as the mother of a 17-year-old girl myself, there are a few things I know.” What does that sentence tell you? That’s right, it’s time to hear another one of former Star editor Bonnie Fuller’s unique screeds comparing the Presidential race to various moments in celebrity history!

But what exactly say-eth Ms. Fuller?

Sarah Palin may be running for Vice President but is she any different from the woman who sold the story of her daughter Jamie Lynn’s pregnancy to a magazine for $1 million, or from the father that allowed 15-year-old Miley Cyrus to be photographed semi-nude for Vanity Fair supposedly to further her career?

Well, seeing as she’s running for Vice President, she should be.

That is the fundamental problem here, the fundamental problem with the entire campaign McCain is running. Barack Obama is not a celebrity, as much as McCain wishes it were so. Neither is Sarah Palin, Joe Biden, or McCain himself. They are politicians. We know their names because they run our country; they are supposed to speak for us.

If you think Sarah Palin is no different from a woman who was so unable to manage her two daughters’ lives that one of them ended up in the hospital psych ward and the other got pregnant by accident at 16, then you really, really, REALLY need to explain to me why on earth anyone would think she could run a country. Because we’re not talking about some TV and music careers here. We’re talking about controlling the richest, most powerful country on earth. And if her skills are up there with Lynne Spears’, and she gets the reins, we’re all FUCKED.


A PSA from S
September 2, 2008

You can say what you want about Sarah Palin and her maybe-not-her-own son, and her pregnant-out-of-wedlock daughter. Those are scandals and any VP Nominee that comes with such scandals should probably not have been nominated for VP. But there’s other reasons to be wary of Sarah Palin. There’s even reasons to hate her.

And there are A LOT of reasons not to vote for her, or her idiot running mate, John McCain.

Reason #1 is that John McCain nominated her in the first place. The campaign’s unofficial line is that she wasn’t properly vetted. Well, obviously. How anyone vets a governor who hasn’t even finished his or her first term, has only 18 months of governing experience, and who never really set out to have a life of public service and thinks, Gee, that’s the VP for me! has more than questionable judgment. He has, it seems, some sort of weird impulse control problem. This impulse inside him said, “Vagina! Hillary had a vagina, and people loved Hillary! If I pick a vagina to run with me, people will love me!” And then he did it. Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t want someone with questionable judgment and an impulse control problem running my country. What’s going to happen when Iran wants to pretend it has balls? Bombing, that’s what. And if you missed it, those fuckers are workin’ real hard on a Bomb and it might just be me, but I think they might use it.

Reason #2 is that she is conservative in a way that is no longer functional in this country. Americans have a right to believe what they choose to believe, and they have a right to take those beliefs into consideration when they vote. What they do not have a right to do — and this is spelled out in the Constitution — is use their religious beliefs in their governance. There is a clear directive in the Consitution, known as the Establishment Clause (and which is paired with the Free Excercise Clause), that reads as follows:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.

That is to say, we are allowed to believe what we believe and worship as we will, but that no religion shall be used in government to govern the people — through law, through directive, through anything — because to respect an established religion and to use its tenants and laws in governing the nation, would infringe upon our right to believe and worship as we see fit. Sarah Palin’s dedication to governing through the laws of fundamentalist Christianity is unconsitutional on its face, and should not be tolerated. We have lived through 8 years of religiously motivated government, and where has it gotten us? Nowhere. We’ve gone backwards. Our founding fathers understood the importance of separating Church and State, the fundamental need for the two to remain separate for each institution to operate as it should. I don’t need the woman who is a hair’s breath away from the White House to be a crazy, anti-reproductive rights, Creationsit, govern-by-the-Bible psycho. Enough.

And, plus, as a Jew, I am really, really sick of living under “Jesus’s Law.” For REAL.

And the final of the Big 3 Reasons is Reason #3: She is not qualified, nor ready, to lead this country. Much has been made of Barack Obama’s experience and whether he can govern well based on it. If John McCain genuinely thinks that a man with 7 years serving as a State Senator for Illinois, and then 3 more years serving in the United States Senate, with 12 years of experience teaching constitutional law (as in, teaching about that PIECE OF PAPER THAT ARTICULATES OUR MOST INHERENT AND UNQUESTIONABLE RIGHTS), then HOW THE HELL does John McCain think a person who spent 4 years as MAYOR of a tiny podunk town, and then A YEAR AND A HALF as governor is fit to lead the country? McCain can’t possibly think he’ll actually survive this presidency — aside from being the oldest candidate we’ve ever had, he also has a long and storied history of very powerful, deadly cancer. That Sarah Palin, as his VP, would become President after his death in even the next 4 years, is not an unreasonable assumption to make. And I shiver in my boots imagining her being put in charge of this great land.

As Vice President, you must be ready to lead from the moment you step onto the steps of the White House and smile for the cameras. Sarah Palin is not ready. Sarah Palin has no idea what she is doing; she has no concept of foreign policy, is hopelessly out of touch with the majority of Americans in terms of domestic policies about health care, education, and gun control, and up until recently admitted that she had no idea what a Vice President even does. John McCain has shown the poorest of judgment in making her his VP nominee, and that has NOTHING to do with the bits and pieces she has in her pants. Sarah Palin is no Hillary Clinton, and Hillary would be disgusted with the comparison.

So do your country right. Don’t be fooled by what McCain is trying to tell you is a “maverick” move. What he classifies as “maverick,” any sane person would see as just “stupid.”

Obama/Biden 2008. And I’m serious about that.


What is Different, What is Strange
July 28, 2008

There’s a pretty interesting discussion going on at right now, in a post about the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints, who were featured in a photo-heavy article in the NY Times today.

I like Jezebel a lot, and spend a lot of my time at work on the site. The girls (and boys) who comment are articulate, interesting and intelligent, at least most of the time. And when commentors getting into fights, man it gets epic.

I took myself out of this discussion because I simply do not know enough about the Church, their practices, and their abuses to make a fully-cognizant opinion about them. But the discussion over there centers a lot around the rights of and abuses to these women, many of whom are married by 12 and birthing children by 13. It’s deviant and strange behavior, to be sure. But what if they’re doing so of free will? Participating in an oppressive, sexist religion seems to me to be total nonsense and absolutely deplorable, but who am I to say it feels the same way to them? What if they like it? What if they believe in it?

If these women and I were to have a confrontation, the gist of my message would be that they need to leave me alone to live my life as I please, in peace. Shouldn’t I have the same respect for them and the choices they make in their lives? Or do they truly not have a choice, is this truly child abuse?

The scope of human history makes it harder to put into perspective. The idea of child brides is somewhat new — even at the beginning of the 20th century, to make it to 17 without being married made you a social monstrosity. Even now, women in the South especially feel pressure to be married young. Feminism told us this was the way the patriarchy was holding us down, was limiting our freedom and our choice, and was treating us as second-class citizens. I find myself agreeing with that instinctually. At 23, I have no desire to get married anytime soon, and I certainly don’t feel stigmatized by my single-ness. But to marry at 13 was not unusual for many, many centuries, and I don’t doubt that people younger than me can love and love fully.

I don’t know. I don’t know. I want to condemn it, call it bad, demand these girls be freed from their oppressive religion and cult-like community. But is it my stone to cast?


Favorite Alternate Word for Sluts
July 28, 2008

Thanks to Gigglesugar

From S:


I am partial to Harlot, Ditty-Bag, and Tart.

I would LOVE to be called a Tart!

From K:

I like tart, strumpet, and especially ditty-bag.

From S:

Ditty-bag fucking rules.

From K:

I think we just found the female equivalent of douchebag. I really don’t like douchebagette. It’ll never catch.


S & K Have Deep Thoughts
July 28, 2008

From K:

“Why does everybody love to take pictures of themselves so much? Not just celebrities, if you can call this girl that, but everyone. Go to myspace and this is what you’ll see. It’s like chronic ego-masturbation.”

From S:

“It’s a generational thing, I think. These technology-saturated teenagers and shit, who equate success entirely with fame or — potentially more desirably — noteriety. You put these preening, self-centered posey pictures of yourself up on the internet, like you’re a model or a pop star, and accumulate as many people as possible to look at them, and then assume that because a lot of people are looking you’re doing something good, or worthwhile, or worth anything at all.

It’s Willie Loman sydrome; the paradigm shift at mid-century that changed our standards of judgment for success from the accumulation of things and goods (houses, jobs, children, bank account money, etc.) to the accumulation of popularity, of reputation. That’s why Willie is ultimately a tragic character: because all he wants to do is be well-liked, and in his quest to be well-liked he loses everything else he’s ever worked for, needed, or wanted. The great American tragedy. So today it’s kids with camera phones and MySpace pages, desperately seeking fulfillment through the objectification of themselves by their peers, or more commonly creepy older men who have Lolita complexes.

Ego-masturbation is a great term for it.

These kids need fucking jobs.”