Archive for the ‘celebrity’ Category

Email to K, 3:26 p.m.
October 9, 2008

S: Everytime I open my main email screen, I see ClooneyNips!

K: That’s good, right?

S: Yes 🙂

Advertisements

My Eyes! (Email to K, 11:19 a.m.)
October 7, 2008

S: I apologize to your eyes in advance:

But if mine had to suffer, yours did too.

K: Now we know why Kurt killed himself.

Yesterday I Did An Experiment…
October 7, 2008

…to see if posting about The Girls Next Door and chocolate vaginas would up my pageviews.

It did. It, like, quadrupled them.

You people out there on the internet? So easy. I love you all.

–S

The Emmys, in 5 quick sentences.
September 22, 2008

1. Mad Men won (awesome), Lost got shafted (not awesome).

2. PLEASE STOP GIVING JEREMY PIVEN BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR EMMYS.

3. Don Rickles: give him more airtime at every awards show from now on, please.

4. Heidi Klum and Project Runway: ROBBED YET AGAIN. (4b. STOP GIVING THE AMAZING RACE BEST REALITY COMPETITION SHOW EMMYS FOR FUCK’S SAKE!)

5. Josh Groban does a surprisingly good South Park impression:

–S

He’s a Man That Knows Taffy
September 19, 2008

Guys! Guys!

It’s Adam West’s birthday! Our favorite Batman turns 80 today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ADAM WEST!!

–S

Insight Into the Paparazzi Minds (Email to K, 9:20 a.m.)
September 11, 2008

S:

After exiting Hollywood’s most notorious celebrity motel, the Chateau Marmont, the rising star of 90210 2.0 Shenae Grimes was asked by a group of photographers if she could tone down her smiling just a bit. Grimes felt perplexed by the request and asked why wouldn’t they want a photo of her smiling. One photographer said, “We do, but we just want a wide variety of facial reactions. Mad, gassy, sad and so on and so on.” Grimes tried her best to look slightly indifferent, but could only achieve a look of mild exasperation.

For reference (‘cuz I don’t know who this chick is either):

K: gassy?

S: I know, fucking fantastic.

Emails to K, 12:01 p.m.
September 10, 2008

S: There is nothing notable about this photo except the girl on the far, far right who is wearing the gym sock/sneaker combination like she’s a secretary walking home from work and like she’s already bored out her mind:

Ironic, on a show about hos.

K: What is Charm School about?

S: It takes all those ho girls from like Rock of Love and the awful, awful VH1 “dating” competition shows and teaches them things like manners and why it’s not okay to resolve all conflict by pulling out someone’s weave.

K: God, I hate those shows.

–S

Is Vertigo a Side-Effect of Celebrity?
September 9, 2008

Sienna Miller’s really pretty, isn’t she?

But can someone explain to me why, exactly, she must hold on to her friend for dear life as she steps over that concrete… whatever it is?

It’s not just Sienna, of course. Lots and lots of celebs — especially girl celebs — are photographed out all the time, clinging to a handler or friend or signficant other for dear life as they do normal activities like walking down the street. And I know that, on the one hand, we are not, in these pictures, seeing the huge crowd of photoraphers making life way hard for them at that particular moment. But I also am not seeing the Earth tilt suddenly on its axis, or the ground start moving beneath their feet, or any other thing that would warrant such a death-grip on the person closest to them.

So what the hell is going on? Does being female and famous suddenly make it incredibly difficult to walk? Do you get vertigo with your first $10 million-plus paycheck? Is it, like, instant karma or something? “You are famous! Famous beyond words! And you will never have proper balance again!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA.”

Seriously. I want to know.

*The exception being, obviously, if you are wasted. In which case, hang on for dear life!

–S

5 Quick Thoughts from the VMAs
September 8, 2008

1. MTV totally screwed Britney out of VMA awards while she was making videos that were, if not original and compelling, totally giving every peri- and post-adolescent male a 24-hour hard-on, and then double-screwed her last night by giving her 3 pity awards for a drugged-out video that was 1/8th as fun to watch as any other video she’s ever put out (including that weird one with Stephen Dorff and the semi-suicide).

2. Russell Brand got totally cheated out of mainstream American success (at least for the moment) by doing an award show for a crowd that used to applaud for Marilyn Manson’s cross-dressing performances and now can’t take a purity ring joke.

3. Based on the nominees, winners, and people in attendence, MTV now caters exclusively to prudes.

4. I can’t believe this is the same awards show that I used to watch religiously in the 1990s, that used to do its thing at Radio City Music Hall every year (and one time at Lincoln Center, and with legitimacy at Lincoln Center, at that), that had controversial performances and really hilarious hosts (Chris Rock, I miss you!), that gave people like Nirvana awards, that had cadres of real music celebrities in attendence, that actually set lasting music and performance trends. How far the mighty have fallen.

5. Oh my god, I’m old. (And, seriously? I’m 23. On the verge of 24. MTV should not be making me feel old yet.)

–S

Jordin Sparks Called Me A Slut. I Didn’t Like It.
September 8, 2008

So last night on the MTV Video Music Awards (which are, like, barely an award show, and that will get a whole other post, and it makes me feel really, really old because I remember when the VMA’s were both good and relatively important), some British comedian who no one ever heard of, but who was actually kinda funny if you have a couple brain cells to rub together (something the MTV crowd lacks, a lot), named Russell Brand implored the US to vote for Barack Obama (yay!) and said he didn’t take those idiotic purity rings that people like Miley Cyrus (who, btw — totes not a virgin, you can tell) and the Jonas Brothers wear serious because they don’t wear them around their cocks. Which, point to Brand.

But apparently that pissed off those purity ring-wearing pansies (quelle surprise!), and later in the show (which I had on mute while I did other things, so I didn’t know it until this morning — look, they said Britney was opening the show and last year when that happened with was a Fail of totally Epic proportions, so I watched ok?) Jordin Sparks (AKA that girl from American Idol) came on stage and said this:

“I just have one thing to say about promise rings. It’s not bad to wear a promise ring because not everybody – guy or girl – wants to be a slut.”

And I have one thing to say about girls saying that girls who DON’T wear promise rings are sluts: FUCK YOU. I’ve never heard such a rude, girl-hating statement. I am not a slut. Do I have sex? Yes, I most certainly do. I love sex. But having sex is not the same as being a slut, and sleeping with boyfriends and the men I love is different than getting drunk and fucking the first thing I can find with a hard-on.

So go fuck yourself, Jordin. Eventually you too will have sex and you’ll realize that 1. Having sex before marriage does not make you a slut, and 2. You’ve been missing out for A LOT of years.

–S