Archive for October, 2008

Girls Next Door and Uncensored Chocolate Vaginas
October 6, 2008

Does anyone other than me watch Girls Next Door on E!? (Heh; posing a question about the E! Network causes confused punctuation!) If you do, and you watched last night, you saw all three of Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends give their old-man-boyfriend pieces of their bodies cast in chocolate for his 82nd birthday. Bridgit gave him her boobs, Kendra her butt (in white chocolate with a painted on brown “chocolate starfish”… ew.), and Holly gave him her vagina. That’s right. She had a mold of her vagina (the hairless V between her legs, not the more explicit labia part) made, then cast it in chocolate.

Here’s the really bizarre thing: E! didn’t censor any of it.

A lot was made of the fact that the mold was actually very detailed: you could clearly see in the final product not just the vee made by the tops of her thighs, but her slit and her clit as well. Because there is no hair there to hide anything, natch. And while E! blurred out the center of Kendra’s chocolate butt crack, where she so classily painted in her butthole, when they held that chocolate va-jay-jay up to the camera, you could SEE THE WHOLE THING CLEAR AS DAY.

I’m not mad. A little TMI, sure, but I knew what they were doing (as Holly so readily announced, “I want to make my vagina” about 50 times) and knew that I was going to get an eyeful. I’m just surprised about how much of an eyeful I got. It was only 10 p.m. kiddies; on a Sunday, sure, on cable, sure, after 9 p.m., sure, but I’m 99.9% you can’t show that on television. At least, not without a little blur spot.

Anything to enlighten me on how/why this happened and what/if any fallout there is, would be MUCH appreciated.

And just because I don’t know when I’ll get to say this again:

CHOCOLATE VAGINA.

–S

I Can’t Believe I Had to Ask This
October 6, 2008

K: “a 2004 study estimated about a quarter of Americans had at least one tattoo, and among folks born between 1975 and 1986 the figure was 36 percent.”

S: Hm. Here’s a question: Do I have 2 tattoos, or 3? Does the ear-punctuation count as one, or are they two? I never know the answer to this.

K: 3

S: Reasoning? I’m not arguing, I just want to understand.

K: While the two ear tattoos go together, you’re inked in three places so I figure three tattoos.

S: Ah. Ok.

They’re my tattoos, right? And yet, I still don’t know…

–S

Sarah Palin Dominates Our Emails, 10:58 a.m.
October 3, 2008

S: Sarah Palin has an ugly wink face.

K: She looks like she squeezing out a fart.

John McCain and Sarah Palin are Dangerous and Will Destroy America
October 3, 2008

I know that headline sounds extreme, but it’s true. No, really, it’s true.

If you watched the debate last night, you were probably impressed with the disgusting Mrs. Palin. No huge gaffes, no stunning mistakes. But if you actually listened, you would realize that there was also no plan, no policy, and most importantly NO UNDERSTANDING of the gravity of the situation she’s facing.

The “Aw, shucks” and “Doggone it”s and “Well, ya know, Joe”s were the scariest thing I’ve heard in weeks. Our economy is collapsed, but gosh if we just let that market run free we’ll be all good! And we’ll cut taxes! Cut taxes for rich people, and let the poor people take up the slack! Well, dontcha know you can’t rebuild the country unless you’re payin’ taxes! And rich people have too much money to do that, yessiree.

She also doesn’t know if Global Warming is man-made or not. Honey, the only people who don’t know if global warming is man-made or not are illeterate, in Third World Countries and, generally, more concerned with surviving famine and war than with changing the world. Those of us who have the priviledge to live in a prosperous and powerful country like America — where the poorest of the poor here look like wealthy demi-gods in sub-Saharan Africa — DO know that the world’s climate is changing, and we ALL seem to know that it’s man-made, or at the very least that it has something to do with OUR CARS. Hence the DRILLING you keep talking about. (Which your own freakin’ candidate opposes!) But how can I expect Sarah Palin to understand the dire and nuanced causes and consequences of global warming when she still hasn’t mastered the idea of evolution?

Also, if she says anything else about my reward being “in heaven,” I’m going to set her on fire.

Clearly, Sarah Palin makes me burn with a hatred as potent and intense as a thousand firey suns. I hate her because she is the last eight years personified. Last night she exposed herself as Bush II in a way we had never expected — colloquial, down-home, aw-shucks, winking, semi-oblivious. She has no idea about policy and is proud of it. She thinks her TOTAL LACK OF EXPERIENCE works to her advantage. She thinks the entire country is Alaska.

SARAH PALIN, THE UNITED STATES IS NOT ALASKA.

Do you know what we have down here? Black people, Latin people, Asian people, gay people, transgendered people, liberal people, conservative people, rich people, poor people, middle class people, girl people, boy people, Jewish people. As far as I can tell, you know about maybe three or four of those types. You feel contempt towards the coasts (that’s about 1/3 to 1/2 of America right there you just offended the fuck out of, lady), and you claim to be of “America’s heartland,” despite having absolutely no experience supporting farming or the American manufacturing industry. You would drill for oil wherever you can, with complete disregard for the people who live on and/or own that land. You would destroy American industry in the quest for American dominance in foreign policy — two things you know NOTHING about, as we saw last night. No, you’re only talent is in looking like Tina Fey and acting homey, and spouting catchphrases.

We are beyond a catchphrase president. We’ve had one for eight years, and we’re teetering on the edge of ruin.

Sarah Plain and John McCain will destroy American. Joe Biden and Barack Obama will at least try to fix this; if you listen to what they’re saying, they actually have a PLAN. They have a PLAN that has been proven to work in the past, they have a PLAN that will enfranchise as many people as possible, they have a PLAN that will put us, if not in first place immediately, on a steady path to reclaim our place at the top.

Barack Obama and Joe Biden have looked at American and seen our flaws, our problems, our struggles, our shortcomings. They have looked hard and looked long, and they have figured out ways to FIX THINGS, fix the little things that matter to us when living our lives. Fixing education, fixing (or improving) health care, creating a tax system that works FOR the middle class and not against it. Barack Obama and Joe Biden want to fight FOR US. McCain and Palin want to be RIGHT. And when all you care about is being right, you leave a trail of death and destruction behind you.

NO MORE. Barack Obama and Joe Biden, 2008. The Change we need, now more than ever.

–S

Real Estate Moguls R Us: Email From K, 8:48 a.m.
October 2, 2008

K: Let’s buy a house or two on ebay. One was just sold for $1.75.

Gchat with Z, 11:22 a.m.
October 1, 2008

This took place during a discussion about dinner tonight:

S: i have plenty of wine. dandelion wine! from ithaca!
does M eat cheese? i might put goat cheese in the couscous, but if she doesn’t i can keep it on the side

Z: she loves cheese!
i love cheese!
we all love cheese!

S: yay cheese!
actually, i was playing along with jeopardy on monday night and there was a category called “cheese” and i got every question right and it was simultaneously awesome and embarassing.

Z: hahhahahhaha
i liiiiiiiike that
that should be on your blog

Well, Z, ask and ye shall receive.

–S